Ahhh, so the line has been drawn. We all know by now that some of us just can't or won't tolerate anymore Kim family shenanigans. I can certainly agree that sometimes some members of this family rub me or the Mrs. the wrong way. It's also safe to say that sometimes someone can really PISS me off at times too. I'm sure everyone of us has said the following, "...that's just how he/she is..." and I'm really sure that sometimes these incidents cause mini feuds between our spouses as well. But no matter how obnoxious, rude, condescending, the action may have been, I think boycotting your entire family for the sake of a comment or action is somewhat rash. Are there certain in laws of mine that I can't stand to be around, yes. Does my spouse back me up when someone in her family offends me, yes. Has the idea of divorcing ourselves from her or my family crossed our minds, yes. Was this kind of thinking ever rational, NO. We still see our family even though dad considered my wife, 'illegitimate,' and mom has said Brazilians are low class. Often there are persons within our families that, well, embarrass us. Some may even feel somewhat ashamed of some members. But these are not reasons to cut family ties. This is 3rd grade conflict resolution tactics. I don't mean to sound condescending, but lets be real. Are we now to just pick up our ball and go home every time someone pisses someone else off.
As fucked up as our family can be at times, there are qualities within it that no one can deny and resources we all have taken from. From mom watching our kids for FREE, personal loans from siblings, tix to sold out events, borrowed tools/ labor, a part-time job, and the list goes on.
Perhaps instead of exiling one another from our lives, we should take a deep breath and take a short vacation. After all we are in the era of Hope and Change, WWOD?
4 comments:
i am pleasantly surprised to see the blog still alive.....the problem i see here ray, is that just taking a deep breath and walking away doesn't address the problem and that's why they keep happening- that is a true 3rd grade way of handling things.....when i confronted our sister of the things said to me, an adult would have apologized or if not apologize then engage in a discussion...but instead a reaction of bringing up irrelevant past events/experiences/hard feelings surfaced- which to me means those issues were and still not resolved for her...and perhaps for others as well....keep in mind, i never divorced my family but was getting weary of the same old crap...i'll come to future family functions when invited...but just because i'm related to you doesn't mean i have to like you either (not you ray)
I have a different take on it altogether. I think people ultimately say and do things that they want to do and they shouldn't be forced to do otherwise. If someone doesn't want to come to a function, then don't and no one should be giving anyone crap about that. At the same time, attendance at a function needs top be done with the right intentions and giving back is the right thing to do (e.g. mary should not have had to "Sell" anyone to pony up for a new stove for mom). Although the interdependency can be a nice feature, I find it best to not let someone hang that over your head. For example, I don't let mom watch my kids for free (I have paid her in the past).
Having said all this, I don't think anyone needs to tolerate any egregious behaviors from anyone - mom and dad included. Life is too short to be spending time in less than ideal situations. Often times their behavior toward people is unacceptable and I call mom out on it whenever she crossed the line with me(and I have come to my siblings' defenses too unbeknownst to you until now) And dad, that's a whole other discussion, but admit it, how nice was Bruno's party without a sermon? I was fully prepared to tell dad to do something outside of the party, but as fate would have it he was tied up anyway. Dad can do what he wants at his house, but my house is my castle and no one is going to hijack the important events of my life for some personal agenda.
p.s. I find you always have a better leg to stand on when your own record is in good shape. So everyone take a deep look at themselves and ask, "Am I blameless?"
My post was a response to the language in your,(brogger), fowarded email string.
"...this family has no respect..."
Perhaps a poor choice of words, an off-the-cuff reaction. Being tolerant, in my view, is not submissive behavior. Sure if someone is way out of line there's nothing like a good right-cross square on the chin, but from what I could tell there was a lot of hidden anger in both your words. No one wanted to tolerate either persons point of view and it was an argument from the jump.(I still don'tknow for sure how it started)
Life IS too short to be spending time in less than ideal situations.
That's why Reagan pulled out of Beruit,the Jews fled the Third Reich,the KKK lynch negros, and the Turkish empire killed off the Armenians.
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